About five and one/half years ago I had surgery for cancer. At that time I asked my friends and family to send me any jokes that were really funny because the Bible says "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine". I figured it would be good to find things that I could laugh about and so the jokes began to come in. I went to my local Wal-Marts and bought a binder and marked "Joke Book" on the outside and started filling it up. I ran across the book a few days ago, and laughed just as hard as I did the first time I read some of those jokes. Here's a few of my favorites.
Subject: Religious Sign
A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads: "The end is near! Turn yourself around now--before it's too late!"
As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big, nasty splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think our sign should just say ," Bridge Out?"
And I love this one:
In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand: an elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes! I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him!"
The defense attorney almost died!
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, " If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!!"